A Tale of Insanity and Woe
by JadedFire
Summary: This fanfic is a SWLotR xover and VERY random and insane.If you don't like random or insane be warned. Anyway, the New Republic leaders find they aren't fighting Grand Admiral Thrawn-but Sauron from Arda! Also includes tiny xover with the Matrix.


A/N: My brain stopped functioning so I wrote this crazy fanfic to bring out some creativity and inspiration. I must say it really, really helped. And I enjoyed writing my first random and insane fanfic.

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I

Emperor Palpatine had died, and the Empire had seemingly dissolved. But the situation between the New Republic and the Empire only worsened as a Grand Admiral took control of the forces. This Grand Admiral was an alien, and not only an alien,_ but Sauron the Great from Arda!_ Although now Sauron was going under the name Mitth'raw'nuruodo. And he was blending in with the Chiss. Sort of. Okay, so they had exiled him for his un-Chiss like behavior (initiating a preemptive strike against an unknown enemy, slaughter, and for being aggressive and vicious). Hmm. I wonder why.

Anyway, Sauron had a Noghri bodyguard named _Rukh_, which was a horror like his name (1). The creature looked like a demon and moved with black speed, a shadow of death.

Sauron wasn't nearly as powerful now as he had been on Arda. Something in the galaxy prevented him from having powers of any kind, and he had been envious of those who wielded special powers. Though unable to work on metal, he appreciated art in all forms, growing attracted to the art of others.

He was_ incredibly_ intelligent, and was very manipulative and cunning. He used art to read into the psyche of different races/people and therefore he put it to evil use since he used this for battle.

Anyway, so the New Republic found they were in worse shape than before.

"Thrawn's really _who_?" Leia asked again, eyes wide open. All of the members of the council were looking wide eyed and slack jawed at the graceful alien.

"Yes. He's actually a Maia under Aulë, who went over to Melkor's side as a revolutionary," Legolas Greenleaf said.

Everyone gasped in shock. A Neimodian gurgled and collapsed on its pod platform, falling into a faint.

"But he doesn't have anymore powers," Legolas amended, brows drawing up in a show of concern.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief in unison.

Another Elf spoke up. This one was Glorfindel.

"But he's _super_-intelligent and if he isn't stopped soon, Corusca will be under _trials _as it has _never_ felt before. He is very _wise_ and weighs the thoughts of _all_."

A woman put a hand to her forehead, let out a typical sigh, and then fainted in a pile of silken cloths. She happened to be directly beside Legolas.

"Ack! We're _doomed_!" someone shouted.

"We must all send our money to the military cause of the New Republic!" someone yelled in the back.

"Yes! We need a tax increase for Bothawui's…" Fey'lya began, but stopped when he saw the glares Leia and Mon Mothma were giving him. His fur rippled in irritation and his ears were folded back.

"Hey, I just found that Caamasi had been sabotaged by a group of Bothans!" someone said.

"DEATH TO BOTHANS!" someone cried out.

Poor Fey'lya didn't have a chance to move his fluffy hide.

A blaster bolt hit him straight in the heart, he let out a sad sigh, said, "But it was so un-artfully done!" Then he died.

"YAY!"

The New Republic officials hugged each other and wept. Leia wiped a tear from her eyes. Han Solo and Lando Calrissian tossed confetti, everyone joined hands and sang, Luke and Mara fell in love—and the Elves watched the spectacle with _horror_. They were beginning to doubt the sanity of the council members.

"These people are random," Legolas said, pointing out the obvious yet again.

Glorfindel rolled his eyes up heavenward, almost praying to the Valar to take him far far away from Captain Obvious. However, the Valar must not have either heard, or decided not to waste their breath on trying to rescue an annoyed Elf from Captain Obvious.

"And they are _celebrating _the death of Borsk Fey'lya," Legolas continued, eyes wide open.

"Really? I had no idea," Glorfindel said sarcastically.

"What about Sauron?" someone from the back (let's call him Ted) pointed out.

Everyone panicked and Luke Skywalker had to take a heroic stance with his lightsabre, looking like a super cool heroic icon—which he was.

A reverenced hush fell on the crowd.

"Fell deeds _awake_!

Now for _wrath_!

Now for_ ruin_!

Now for the _dawn of the New Jedi Order_!

_Forth Rogue Squadron!_ And may the Force be with us!" he said in a heroic, clear, voice. Then he blinked as though he didn't know what he had said.

This didn't really matter, as all the members of Rogue Squadron got up with tears in their eyes from his strange speech.

The doorbell suddenly rang and Han Solo went down to answer it. Soon he came back excitedly.

"Hey, you guys wouldn't guess who I saw!" he said when he came back

"Who?" Wedge asked.

"Agent Smith!" Han answered.

"Didn't I_ just_ defeat him?" someone said from the very back of the chamber.

"He had blue face paint and red contact lenses," the ex-smuggler continued.

"EEK!"

"OOP!"

"AHH!"

"EEP!"

"NOOOOO!"

"It's Sauron. Get over it," Mara Jade said coolly, her words bringing everyone to a full silence.

LATER ON IN SPACE…

"Ah, Captain, learn about another species art and you will"— the Grand Admiral was saying in his meditation chamber.

Suddenly, his comm unit beeped.

He flipped a switch. Captain Pellaeon stood silent, his gray eyes on the blue skinned Grand Admiral.

"GrandAdmiralThrawnweareunderattackbyRebelpilotsXwingfightersAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" a comm officer said in a panicked rush. "AndSantashelpers!"

_Santa's helpers? Who_—Pellaeon thought, then stopped when he saw Thrawn's eyes show a hint of menace and recognition in them.

"Raise shields to maximum strength, target all weapons on the"—Sauron began, but then _horrible _music randomly came out of nowhere. It was a war between John Willams and Howard Shore as they composed the Skywalker theme and Rohan theme at the same time.

Sauron switched on the statistics display.

There were _six thousand X-wings_ in fighting position.

Why there were six-thousand X-wings where there should be only a handful he didn't really know. But, _suddenly_ he had _two-hundred thousand TIE fighters _swarming around at random.

However, he was unable to concentrate due to the crazy mixture of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack and the Star Wars soundtrack. He ended up pressing both hands over his ears to stop the noise.

Joruus C'baoth heard the noise, and said in an authoritative voice, "_Quiet_!" Of course, the music didn't really stop but was playing softly in the background.

The battle lasted twenty minutes. Sauron was smarter and more cunning than before, and as was his way before, he used subtlety and deception. The X-wings, A-Wings, B-Wings, and Y-Wings were taking out hundreds of TIE fighters. There were two things Sauron could do at this moment—throw up his arms and give up, or fake a retreat back to Nirauan where his slaves—er,_ friends_—could pound the Rebels to dust. Especially Luke Skywalker. He reminded him too much of Baggins which was the full reason he had wanted to execute Skywalker. Oh yeah, and he was only using C'baoth because Sauron had some sentimentality—the old man reminded him of _Saruman_.

Of course, the Rebels flew into his trap, zipping into hyperspace.

Then Luke and Mara felt chills go down their spine as they saw the evil black fortress which Sauron had built. It consisted of a total of five towers, which resembled an upturned hand. However, one "finger" had been—uh, _decimated_—thus it was known as the Black Hand of Sauron (otherwise known as the Hand of Thrawn—which went right along with Mouth and Eye). Also, Sauron had an…_obsession_…to sinister black towers, therefore he had to make more than one in this galaxy. After all, he was evil. Evil people ALWAYS live in black, sinister, smelly fortresses. Take a note of that.

"There's a black fortress," observed Captain Obvious, eliciting a groan from all three thousand, five hundred X-wing pilots.

"And it's shaped like a—Oww!" Legolas rubbed his head where the Balrog slayer had bopped him one to shut him up. Just like in the old movies where a pat on the head can render a person unconscious, Legolas was knocked out and Glorfindel had to pilot the huge, graceful, elegant, mysterious, mystical, ethereal, beautiful, flowing, ornate, etc, Quenyan starfighter. Haldir, the March Warden of Lothlorien, had let them borrow it, so they couldn't allow anything to happen to it. However, as Glorfindel was flying the glossy, sleek, smooth, fresh, shiny, and glorious starfighter, it was more likely that sooner or later he would crash it.

Alarms _blared_ inside the fortress, and the green lights were suddenly reminiscent of Minas Morgûl! Chiss clawfighters swiveled out, loaded to the max and doing clever dynamic aerial swoops, swirls, gizzies, glitchies, gritchens, hangman, and dead-paths. Whatever those are.

The Chiss clawfighters looked like _mutilated_ and_ tortured_ TIE Interceptors, which makes sense considering Sauron had a habit of deforming things. Like the _Orcs _for example…

Mara Jade was a bit disappointed to see the color spectrum of the planet consisted of the mundane grays, browns, and some blood red here and there. The plants clung to the ground like parasitic vines sucking the life out of the brown planet. Huge rust colored, jagged rocks jutted out of the earth, looking evil and sinister.

The sun shone with pale, dreary light through the dismal atmosphere. Lovely.

The battle was _vicious_. During which, Legolas _miraculously_ got over his concussion randomly like in the good, old fashioned, _realistic_, Hollywood movies. He stared out the viewscreen, _shivering_ in Elvish horror as a hot blue bolt from the Enemy _whizzed_ past the good, pure, righteous, and very stuck-up Rebels. The hot energy source _accelerated _toward its new target—a forbidding hole in the rocky terrain.

With an ominous _plop-zing_ the walls of the hole were in the motion of collapsing in. A large black, _fellbeast _who had been living inside the core of the planet,_ charged_ out, stinking of rotten carrion. Its jaws were filled with_ wicked_ sharp teeth, and its birdlike head was set on a leathery serpentine neck.

Alarmed, even the_ Chiss_ fighters hesitated in their attack.

With _remarkable_ agile force, the hideous creature _dove_ for the _nearest_ fighter, namely—a Chiss clawfighter. However, it proved to be no match to the ship.

Luke, wasn't watching the battle anymore. Instead his focus was lost elsewhere. The fellbeast—he could hear it speaking! It was the mother of all Qom Qae and Qom Jha and wanted only the death of those who had shaken her nest.

The mother's burning remains drifted down on the ground, the Chiss fighter making mincemeant out of her.

Smoke billowed out of the hole.

Legolas and Glorfindel watched in _shocked_ silence. Suddenly the mystery of the fellbeasts had been solved. Sauron hadn't just gone to Arda's moon to get the fellbeasts—they had come from Nirauan all along!

Little, young, yet _very _vicious leathery avians _swarmed_ out in what appeared to be thick black smoke gushing out from the wounded earth.

They proved to be _very _smart, and soon hundreds of men, whether Chiss or man, were screaming in either anger or pain as death inevitably came in a brilliantly bright explosion and deafening thunderclap.

Grand Admiral Thrawn—er, _Sauron_—watched the mayhem with satisfaction. Oh, many of his slaves—er, _friends_—were now floating pieces of ash and smoke descending from high in the sky, but he had plenty of…_friends_…to spare. He hadn't indulged in his sadistic urges for a long time and was sated by the carnage. He had made a quick estimation that this would happen.

More X-wings blew up in red-orange balls of roaring fire. Chunks of debris flew in every which direction as other X-wings blew each other apart to escape the vicious attackers. Fire flared out on the planet ground, now black with the bodies of millions of Qom Qae that had died avenging their mother's death. Some of the Qom Qae were on the ground because they couldn't fly. These were right in the path of the fire.

With random super-human ability, Luke teleported them to his ship using the Force. After which, they thanked him and they set about looking for tea bags. Why the Qom Qae needed tea bags is unknown.

His comm crackled to life and he heard Glorfindel's voice, "Sauron's evil statistics are not looking good. Instead of sort-of-kinda-bad there's a big black spot with red words dripping blood saying, 'Unredeemable.' I think Sauron-who-was-evil-before-but-repented-after-Morgoth-fell has fallen back into evil again. He's _very _unstable"—As though to prove Glorfindel's words, Sauron emitted a short—and very_ evil_—laugh of triumph.

Randomly–-as everything is random and out of whack in this lil' crossover–-Sauron _magically _attained some powers. What _horrors_ is this, you might say. What new _devilry_ would be unleashed in this horrible moment? Sauron's pale blue Chissi skin glowed in the dark to match his already glowing red eyes. Oh the_ terror_ of it all!

Enough of that. On with the battle.

In five minutes it was all over. So much for "on with the battle." _Great_.

Luke Skywalker got three hundred million medals for defeating Sauron. He had brought peace to the Qom Qaes' mournful souls, thus ending the brutal battle for the moment, bringing them on the New Republic's side.

Wedge Antilles got a billion medals _just for looking cool_.

Han Solo and Chewbacca got one measily little medal. Someone must have been very biased against the smuggler. Poor Han and Chewie.

_Neo _got several billion medals for just being in the whole darned fanfic, even if he said only one crummy line.

The Elves went back to Valinor (Glorfindel returned the starfighter intact to Haldir), Luke erected a new Jedi Academy on Yavin IV, and the two composers made up while the sounds of Professor Tolkien rolling in his grave could be heard from galaxies away. Also, one could hear the sound of the Almighty Flanneled One choking on his morning coffee as he read the end of this tale.

Yes, dear heart. I regret to announce that _this_ is the end. I bid you all a _fond _farewell…

ThE EnD oF ThIs InSaNe FiC bY jAdEdFiRe

The moral of this story is**: Don't trust blue people with red eyes who like art! They most likely are evil Maiar who want to bring ORDER and COORDINATION to entire galaxies instead of one lil' planet. And they ALWAYS like to live in BLACK TOWERS with EVIL BAT-LIKE CREATURES flying around. Remember this 'cause it is very EDUCATIONAL and IMPORTANT!**

(1) Rukh is translated as "horror" in Tolkien's Black Speech


End file.
